I had a moment last night.
Rocking my son.
I was combing my hands through his hair as I rocked him to sleep. He smelled like a garlic roll because he gnawed on a piece of pizza at dinner. His chubby legs were wrapped around my chubby belly. His head just where I like it - right under my chin. He started combing his fingers through his hair too - and our fingers met. He wrapped his around mine, tangled in his baby fine hair. And just held me there. Our hands resting on his head. And he fell asleep with a little smile across his lips.
Grow up sweet and strong my son. With passion and compassion. And love others with all your heart and you will get so, so, so much in return.
That's what I tell him at night. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say to him at night. What does a little boy need to hear from his mother? I'm sure it will change. My message to Lily has changed over the years. But for now, this seems right.
I think that grip on my fingers last night was his way of saying, I hear you mom. I am sweet, strong, passionate and compassionate. I smell like a garlic roll. And I will lay here on your lap for as long as you will hold me.
And, he did. We rocked in silence. Until his sister roared into the bedroom. And, then - well, we started all over again!